Keeping in mind that “who speaks is not who writes and who writes is not who is”, I will describe myself as a retired baby boomer who at last has time to scribble and paint, to question everything, and to adore silence.  They call me Miriam Louisa and the place I live Australia.

I write because I like to read what gets written.  Same reason I paint, and make things.  Because I want to see what will happen.  What will appear.  What will amaze.

It was not always so simple.  There used to be a ‘doer’ person here who needed to be, and thought she was, in control. But life kept undermining that assumption, particularly in the studio.  So often the ‘doer’ (artist) dis-appeared and in its place a totally non-personal, gracious, fluid, movement of creativity was operating.  Whenever I tried to scrutinize this movement it ceased.  It was a tantalizing koan for me.  If I wasn’t in control, what was?

Decades passed.  Eventually my inquiry was seen to be an “impossible question”.  It could not be answered by any kind of rationalizing or conceptualizing because as soon as those tools were applied they hit a brick wall.  Whatever was doing the thinking seemed to be the core of the problem.  So I had to find out whether the ‘thinker’ was independent of the thoughts that kept spinning around the question.

What that amounted to, was finding out whether the self I took myself to be was real, or ‘thought up’,  imaginary.

The self I took myself to be never survived the scrutiny.  It simply couldn’t be found.  In its place there was simply an ineffable flow of being, a beingness that was inseparable its own self-awareness.  It is embraced – by itself, it is beloved – by itself.  It is known – by itself – as this unlit light.

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If you have read this far and would like to contact me, please feel welcome.  Please note that there’s no teacher or pundit here, no one who will speculate.  I only speak from my own experience.
emellesse [at] exemail.com.au

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… I like to talk about this way of seeing things as one sings in the bathtub or splashes in the sea.  There is no mission, nor intent to convert, and yet I believe that if this state of consciousness could become more universal, the pretentious nonsense which passes for the serious business of the world would dissolve in laughter.
~ Alan Watts in This is It